I'm searching for something...

I'm searching for something... // -->

Saturday, April 30

It always happened and i always end up feeling this way. i wonder how many more times i can afford to let my heart shatter because of such situations. i wonder how many omre times i must learn from it. i always thought i was the one sensible, but hell no. the ugly truth is i'm the one who's not happy.

i think i really do have a simple heart and just react too quickly to any situation. a little thing would make me sad and feel broken for hours. and there i will be hoping for some angel to pour down pails of hope and happiness upon me. some little thing happens, and i'm on the go again.

but the thing is, this process is wearing me out. wearing me inside out.

Heli Dont ask me why 2:26 PM

Thursday, April 28

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans, that the moment one definitely commits oneself then providence moves too. all sorts of things begin to occur which would never otherwise have occurred, and a whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and material assistance which no man could have dreamt would have come this way.

*Do or do not. There is no try.

Heli Dont ask me why 9:24 PM

Monday, April 25

*I would.

I don't want to just take a peep out of a little crack in the wall. I want to see from the view of a window, to see the whole picture and believe in it. It's all about trust, about knowing that each step i take are forward, and each step i take, i'm edging towards the finishing line.

Trials are blessings in disguise to get you to that point. Look past the temporal, down the long road to eternal... to look beyond the trial to the end result.

*thanks kor for that pic. =)

It's up to me. I won't let it happen, because... i'm too scared to let it happen.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:49 PM

Sunday, April 24

Just finished watching the show Tiramisu. Teary eyes i have now even though this is the third time i'm watching. Ha the emotional me.

Sometimes i think, a bigger perspective is often required to get oneself out of the plight you're in. More than often, these are little pricks we received from some setbacks, some unhappiness, or even receive a kind of reaction that you never wish to experience. It takes little step, baby steps to walk over all these. Slowly, but surely, if you don't walk backwards, we'll edge ourselves towards the end. It takes time. It takes you to move.

Good luck.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:10 PM

Saturday, April 23

the wind blows.

don't really enjoy the ride home just now. kinda like a sad journey and i don't know why so. shouldn't have got home that early cos no one's home and boo. i don't like going back to an empty house.

kinda like the MPV2 i watched just now. indeed a very "wen xing" show. yeah that's about it.

to you: thanks for the many quotes you shared today. hmm sorry that i sounded and looked kinda not-in-a-happy-mood from the start. the way home was kinda quiet too. - blank. very blank. -

"people only notice when someone look upset, because being happy seems more normal than what is in actual fact normal. " ---> quoted from mag's blog.

Bei ji xue xia zai na tou, ji mo bu ji mo
Shui zai xiang nian shi ta de deng hou
Ni ruo wen wo kuai bu kuai le, ji mo bu ji mo
Qian ni shou, qian wo shou
Gan jue wo de mai bo
Ni yao shi zhe liao jie shi zhe ti hui
Yong xing hao hao gan jue
ran hou ni cai neng gou kan de jian kuai le shan bei
Yue xu wo de yan lei wo de xiao lian zi shi wan mei de biao yan
Ting shuo bei ji xia le xue ni ke hui ye jue de ta hen mei.

*ninety nine and a half.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:11 PM

Friday, April 22

Shut up.
quelques choses dans la vie ne sont vraiment pas intéressant devenir fâchées environ. j'ai refusé de commenter beaucoup réellement mais il a vraiment juste déclenché la chaleur dans moi et je me sens vraiment comme errupting d'en dedans. je déteste la politique et je ne comprends pas pourquoi les gens juste ne savent pas se comporter. Je semble brut mais qui a plus mauvais ? Ne pouvez pas belive à cet âge, en ce moment de temps dans la vie où de telles choses enfantines existent toujours parmi mes compagnons. Parfois je me sens juste comme observer le jeu entier de jeu unsoundly à se demander de côté de façon et d'étape une ce qui est prochain. C'est juste de petites petites choses mais il est tout ainsi mélangé vers le haut jusqu'à ce que personne ne veuille faire le travail sale de faire le nettoyage vers le haut. S'il en prend qui éclabousse pour réveiller ces gens, je me sens juste comme plonger mes mains dans la cuvette sale et les faire ainsi sur des chaque simples d'entre elles.

je suis désolé si j'ai blessé n'importe qui mais je ne suis pas désolé pour dire tout ceux-ci.

servez-vous droit.

Heli Dont ask me why 12:17 AM

Wednesday, April 20

to queen: thanks for writing in that autograph book with so much flatteries. in fact what you wrote about passing the present is really kinda true. indeed there was some kind of fear within me at that point of time. haha but i don't really know how to explain why too. anyway your apple notebook really rocks. just got to take time to get used to it. heh what you wrote makes me happy today. i'll sleep with a wide smile tonight. just like this. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 11:53 PM

Tuesday, April 19

+ a little silent tonight +

i whisper under my breath many prayers and thanks today. i just suddenly feel very grateful for many things i'm given in life. i must admit i'm not really content with my life. perhaps grateful and content are two different things? Sometimes i'm really glad to meet some people in life. some people i keep thanking.. i'm just like this. perhaps till the day i die nobody understands why i'm so grateful to so many things, so many people. sounds a bit tu. hah anyway yup.

and to dear heen boon: please don't pull your hair puuulease. you look cute this way already. pull somemore and you would be like me bald..! anything don't know can ask me okay..? it's not hard really. stay happy!

*the call ended

Heli Dont ask me why 10:29 PM

Friday, April 15

think i'm a little off today. already prepared to go to school by bike earlier on and just a few seconds ago i thought of what time to leave house in order to catch bus to school. O_o?

oh well pw results out today and yes yes i got a band three. kinda reluctant to use the numerical three. well wasn't really happy with it but anyhow perhaps it just wasn't good enough. blah waste my whole year effort. o_Ox

ya and this week passed by super fast. couldn't really remember what i did everyday in school or at home. just sweep pass the whole week like this. that reminds me that i've only about two and half months to mid year..? the pace is scaring me. O_O!

okay i just wanna complain that our geography and mathematics are not going to finish syllabus by the end of this term which is so freaking scary. imagine other JCs are soon gonna wrap up their syllabus, and we are...? "we've finished our pure mathematics..." this was what my math lecturer said the other day which i kind of wonder is she proud of saying that or worried. o_o.

bam: psst i haven catch up with you for such a longggggg time. don't really see you online anymore ok i know you have that tight schedule(after reading what your blog says). everybody says they miss you and yeah, "everybody" includes me alright? hope ya doing fine really. tc.

okay gonna cycle around before going to school. ahdeeyeos.

Heli Dont ask me why 2:44 PM

Thursday, April 14

oh well i prefer this new background picture.

this is my life.

Heli Dont ask me why 6:22 PM

Tuesday, April 12

lag lag lagging!

I think i'm lagging eh. After thinking through last night, i know what i want already.
*special thanks to wenjie. hee thanks for hearing me out yesterday. =)
Ha i think i need to be calm and cool. And be still. =)

"Even when God seem distant, even when He is silent, continue to walk by faith, trusting in His name."

I'm experiencing some form of joy now. haha. the little rainbow feeling. i'mlovingit!

Heli Dont ask me why 11:08 PM

Monday, April 11

busy doing nothing busy doing nothing.

i feel like a pig. always feel like sleeping these days and leaving my tutorials done at the very last minute. skipped gp lecture today to go for a haircut! omg and i look REALLY different this time. Do away with my long hair and i really can't imagine my classmates' reactions tomorrow. and can't imagine how red my face will turn tomorrow too. Boo don't laugh at me please.

as for now, hah i really feel like sleeping already. but i know there's a lot i should do actually, and i think i really should. but seems like, there's no motivation in me actually. somehow things seem to come to a standstill lately. i don't seem to feel like moving anymore. i just feel like sitting on the railing and watch all the ships pass by me, and witness the dawns and dusks. hah metaphoric feeling again.

hah. give me back my flame. i want to light up again.

Heli Dont ask me why 10:57 PM

Friday, April 8

Sometimes i really just wonder why are things arranged to spike me in life. makes me think i'm not appreciated. makes me think.. i'm just a small pea. not that i'm asking for something, but i'm not God. I'm a human and i make mistakes. I'll feel wrong. And i'll behave not rightly. But at the end of the whole day, things still go on despite how i feel. nothing is gonna change. and i've just got to let it sweep pass me.

i feel disappointed most when i feel i'm not appreciated. you call it being inferior, or simply not contented in life. True though i didn't deny it. Makes me think i'm moving from place to place, and that i've no home. Don't know what i'm talking about..? *yawns* never mind. they are not meant to be understood anyway.

sound so attitude in this entry but really, i feel so upright unfair. much as i try not to and don't wish to, i'm just feeling this way. life just sucks. i can't wait to go to heaven.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:39 PM

Wednesday, April 6

think i should just delicate something here to this someone who always help me make blog layouts and each time i will just ask for better improvements or request if any changes can be made etc (slaps myself) and i think i really am fussy. but don't know if she's angry or not, and even if she is, knowing her character probably she will just burst out into flames but apparently she didn't and just left a few words...

"just ignore me"

=X which kinda makes me so super guilty! so... YUTING! don't angry eh! really the layout was super nice! just that i didn't know it's suppose to be click and then link to the rest of the part of the blog! Sorry sorry! eh no need to do anymore thing le eh. pleaseeeee don't be angry ok?

=X

Heli Dont ask me why 11:11 PM

Actually i intend to blog later at night, cos when it's just pass midnight i've more thoughts running, more to write here. But well, i guess my bro is going to be glued on to the seat where i'm at now till god knows what time. Anyway...

Life hasn't been life i guess. Despite those laughter i had in school always(all thanks to the so called "snoopy and gang")... i still think my life is bland. It makes it worst when all i can do at home is just stare at the work i've have, recall what nandwani said about us not pushing hard enough etc.. sometimes home don't really look that warm though. i'm lonely at home. boo.

i feel i'm losing interest in many things. it doesn't sound bad though, actually there's more time for myself. i'm feeling plain. colourless. ordinary. i'm beginning to look at other things in life actually. looking at how people move on and on. at times feeling small. at times feeling content. i feel i shouldn't expect so much or anything more. hah because i tried to sound so not expressive of my personal thoughts here(blog) for a long time, now i find it hard to express them out properly.

But... being ordinary is good. i guess.

"what you see doesn't mean anything." its not shining anymore.

Heli Dont ask me why 5:54 PM

Saturday, April 2

Woo i went night cycling again!

Actually i forgot this place we went to but it was really nice. A kind of bridge inside the seletar air base. Think there's the perfect place to watch sunset! i think i wanna go again! Then we headed yishun and then to amk for dinner! lols along the way think so cool eh. both of us singing. heh.

I love cycling!

Heli Dont ask me why 11:52 PM

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